Time to start ramping up for next round

We have had a really good break in the action over Christmas.  Though Q has been extremely tired physically, she managed to get out on Christmas Eve to go out to dinner and church with our family.  It's been great to have all the kids home over break and they've been very helpful around the house.  

As far as upcoming medical stuff, Susie has the following:

- Monday 12/29 @ 11:30 - CT scan of her abdomen and pelvis to decide on treatment for her l      liver

- Tuesday 12/30 @ 6:15 AM - MRI of Susie's brain to see if there is any additional cancer there

- Friday 1/2 to meet with Dr. Rouch (liver surgeon) to discuss results of CT scan  and discuss treatment

Susie is experiencing a mixture of emotions regarding this stuff.  On the one hand. she really wants to get after the remaining cancer in her body in hopes of being able to have a new starting place for healing.  On the other hand, there is the anxiety of waiting to find out the results of the scans and going through the next phase of treatment.  

Your prayers and generosity have meant so much to Q and our family during this unusually difficult time for us.  We thank you and love you.

-Scott

Thank You, Lord!

Wow!! Talk about answered prayer!! As SOON as I left the computer, my mom's doctor called (we thought we might not even hear results until tomorrow), and he said he looked at the scans and did not see new growth and there is NO swelling!! He said that she is probably having mini seizures (which is exactly the word I would use to describe what I saw today). He said that is normal, and that she will just increase her seizure medicine and will continue to take it for the next six months. Talk about emotional roller coaster...all I can said is Praise the Lord.

Wow. I am wiped out. Thank you, Lord.

Molly

Quick Update, Test Results Coming

Last night, my mom woke up twice in the middle of the night with her eyes moving rapidly back and forth. Finally, this afternoon, she was asked to go into the hospital for a CT scan to make sure there was no new growth in her brain, etc. She has just been allowed to lower her dosage of the steroids and was warned that some symptoms of the swelling may occur. So, we are praying that these symptoms are in fact JUST the swelling again and nothing of a more serious nature.

After the scan, I took her to Starbucks (our favorite hang out) while Dad and Josh went to the grocery. As we sat there, she suddenly froze up, eyes shifting between me and the wall. I was asking her questions but she couldn't respond, so I grabbed her hand and she was very warm. I continued to ask her questions and try to her her attention, asking her if she wanted to go out to the car, and she still couldn't respond. It was so scary! I was debating whether to call an ambulance (while the rest of Starbucks continued chatting around us, like in a scary movie), and after a VERY long two minutes or so, she snapped back and we sat there while she recovered.

I don't know what that was a symptom of, but between seeing that and now waiting for the scan results, I am very unsettled. Please join with us in prayer that this was just some swelling of her brain and nothing more serious -- it was a very disappointing and scary little setback after such a great week.

Though my emotions are great right now, I continue to trust that God "knows the plans he has for my family and me, plans that will prosper us and not harm us, plans that will give us a hope and future." Lord, help me to rest in that promise right now.

Molly

Surgery Info

Hi friends,

Wanted to let you know that regarding Mom's liver surgery, she will be meeting with Dr. Horner (neurosurgeon) to get the "ok" to move forward on January 8th. If all goes well, she will be setting a date for surgery shortly after that (we hope) for the surgery which will remove half of her liver we are told. People are able to function with just half our liver, and it's the only organ that regrows itself!

Following the recovery of her liver surgery, Dr. Horner wants to give her some brain radiation. That would take place sometime in early spring we are thinking. So, there is still a road ahead, but God continues to be so good.

So right now we are in a "down" time. Two years ago when Mom found the initial melanoma on her leg, we were all in a panic. Then, post surgery we could relax and have some down time. Then, back to panic this summer when we found out that it had spread to her lymphnodes. Around October, we were finally able to feel the down time again as Mom started to get back to her "normal" self. Four weeks ago, we were again in a panic with the news that it had now spread to her brain and liver, and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to FEEL the calm of a down time again after that news.

But, Tuesday night I went over to my parent's house, and my mom was lying on the couch (where I've seen her a lot for the past 4 months). I was determined to not cry that day becasue I was so tired of crying, especially after the funeral weekend. But my mom, in only a way that a mother can, asked me why I was so quiet that night. I still held back the tears because I knew a dam was about to break (again), and then the TV had a tender mother-daughter scene (on The Biggest Loser, of all shows), and I lost it. My momreassuringly said, "Molly, I feel better about all of this than I have in a long time."

So, I thought, if she's feeling okay about everything right now and she just had brain surgery, than I need to trust and CHOOSE to be okay with where we are for now. And what better time to just enjoy where we are right now than the Christmas season? I praise God that our current "down time" gets to be during Christmas and New Years. What a gift to us after all the panic!

In my future down days, I will cling to the fresh and new meaning I have found and experienced in this very familiar verse:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petiton, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 4:6-7

Molly

Turn the Page

I'm sorry that it's been awhile since our last posting. With getting Q settled in at home and working through all the stuff that comes with the death of a parent, and starting work again...well, you know.

My Mom's (Deborah McCracken) funeral was beautiful and very much a celebration of her life. So many loved and respected her. Now comes the next hard part for my Dad -- walking through an empty house full of memories and reminders. His tears are close to the surface and his heart is hurting. Please keep him in your prayers. Maybe ask the Lord to give my Dad (Howard McCracken) a clear and fresh sense of his presence and comfort.

Susie continues to heal and handle a little more each day. Today she has two doctors appointments. She will visit her neurosurgeon to get the 27 staples removed from the top of her head, and hopefully will be told she can begin reducing her steroid dosage -- she is really puffed up from that stuff and it affects her blood sugar, etc. The other appointment is with our family doctor to keep track of vitals and her basic condition. Q went on an errand with our neighbor yesterday and returned really tired -- she just can't handle much yet.

From here it looks like Q will just rest and get as healed as she can until Christmas, but immediately following will be in surgery again to remove the cancer in her liver. As much as we all hate that thought right now, we just want to go after this thing and get her to a new starting point. Obviously, we will keep you posted on when the surgery will be when we find out more.

Yesterday I met a man sitting in the waiting room of the AttaBoy Plumbing office who I'd never seen before and when I was introduced he said, "Wait, I know your name from somewhere. Oh, does your wife have cancer? We've been praying for her." It is incredible and humbling that so many people - many we will never meet this side of Heaven - care enough to pray for Susie and our family! Wow!! Thank you all sooooo much.

I'll end this post with a portion of Scripture that was very meaningful to my Mom and is certainly pertinent to us all:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

- Scott

Latest on Q

It looks like Susie will be able to come home tomorrow (Sunday) morning. As of last night she was still having some problems keeping her blood pressure down, but hopefully that will be resolved. The doctor has kept her visitors to a minimum and just for immediate family. She can only handle our visits for a short time and our goofy chatter has to be kept in check -- it's just too much stimulation for her and she can't handle it. Her beautiful little face is really puffed up by the heavy doses of steroids she's on to keep brain swelling down, but they will be reducing dosages soon. She is so grateful for all the love, prayers, and caring for our family that everyone has been giving us.

The girls and I (Scott) will be at my mom's viewing/visitation after I bring Susie home from the hospital tomorrow. We have some friends who will stay with Q at home. I know she wishes she could be there and at the funeral on Monday, but it would be too much for her. Susie really loved my mom and Mom really loved Q. Please continue to pray for my family during this time...especially my dad.

Love to you all,
Scott

Grandma's homegoing was today

I got the news today that my Mom died in her Carmel home with my Dad and sisters near her. We new she was going to die soon and she had been especially struggling to let go over the past couple of weeks. As sad as it is to lose her it is also a relief to know her struggle is over and she is now with her Lord. I especially hurt for my Dad who had been Mom's man for about 71 years. He's really sad. It looks like her viewing will be at the Carmel Flanner & Buchannan mortuary on Sunday,12/7, from 1:00-5:00 PM. The funeral will be at The Church at the Crossing at 1:oo PM on Monday,12/8.

- Scott

Update on "Q"-Tip

Susie is really doing well. Ate breakfast like it was her job. As long as she is on steroids I am not going to get in front of her fork! She is very sharp mentally, but still has a hard time keeping her eyes open for an extended time. Even though she is likely to be moved into a regular room later today, I am asking that anyone who is not her immediate family not come to visit her yet. She really likes keeping her eyes closed and resting/sleeping. I want to give her what is best for her recovery -- I'm sure our friends understand.

The doctor still thinks she will be able to go home on Saturday. I just occurred to me that my Mom was probably in this hospital for a longer stay when she gave birth to me in 1955 than Susie will be for having brain surgery...remarkable.

Love,
Scott

She talks : )

I walked into Q's room, moved in close and cautiously offered a " Susie?" Her eyes immediately opened and she said, "Hi, I'm so glad to see you." It was fantastic! We went on talking back and forth and I was so happy to bring her good news about her surgery. I could hardly believe she was able to converse so coherently when only a matter of a few hours earlier Dr. Horner was working on her brain!

When I went back to the waiting room to get the rest of the family, they were amused that I had a smile glued to my face. I did. I was so happy. The girls were too, when they got to see her. Of course in true McCracken style, the girls quickly brought attention to the fact that their mother reminded them of a giant Q-Tip with her head wrapped in gauze.

The nurses won't let me sleep in Susie's intensive care room with her tonight, so I'll crash in the waiting room instead.

- Scott

Susie is awake!

One more brief update...we were able to go in and see Mom shortly after Dad posted the last blog, and to the glory of God she was awake, talking, and laughing with us!! We are blown away at how alert she is, since we were fully expecting she would probably not be able to talk much tonight, if at all. What an unexpected gift this was to us.

Also, speaking of unexpected gifts, we had over 45 people in the waiting room with us throughout the course of the day today, and all of us received countless phone calls, e-mails, text messages and even Facebook messages all day long from all of you. Thank you all for loving the McCracken family SO WELL. We felt your prayers throughout the state, nation and world for us today, and we know God heard them as well. We are very excited to be on an "upswing" right now both physically for mom and emotionally for all of us.

So what now?? The next step will be a meeting with the liver doctor tomorrow to begin the process of planning for surgery in approximately three to four weeks to remove the two spots in her liver. We would greatly appreciate continued prayers as we plan for this as well as prayer that when they removed the tumor today, there wasn't a microscopic little cell that was brushed off in the process that will implant itself in another part of her brain or body (we were told this sometimes can happen, so the docs will continue to scan her body on a regular basis). But for now, we praise the Lord for his love, faithfulness, and goodness to our family today, and we especially thank Him for all of you.

Psalm 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." Amen.

Molly

Susie's in recovery

Thank You Lord!

Dr. Horner met with the girls and me to let us know that they successfully removed the tumor and that Susie now in the neurological critical care unit. The surgery took somewhat longer than expected due to veins that were in the way. She will be in the critical unit for probably 24-36 hours. The main concern is to watch for blood clotting and swelling during this time.
We are waiting for permission to see her.

It is so humbling and wonderful to know SO MANY people have been praying (and are still praying) for Susie and our family! We have been informed of many individuals and prayer chains from places all over the country that have been activated on Susie's behalf. To all of you who are among those dear people, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

And of course PRAISE GOD for His great love and care for Susie and His grace in all of our lives.
We will let you know more after we have a chance to see Q.

Love to all,
Scott

Courageous in Calling

This year I have the privilege of leading a group of students at
Anderson University in a leadership development program called
University Fellows. When I applied for the job last school year, I was
hesitant because I had not participated in it my freshman or sophomore
year and didn't really know what I would be doing. However, the door
remained open and I felt confident that I was supposed to walk through.
So I became the leader for 08-09.

It has been such a blessing this semester to dialogue and struggle with
these students about what being a leader is, can it be defined, what are
we striving for as students who want to participate in leadership?

More than once, as I have been preparing for a week’s discussion and
meeting I have wondered why on earth I was given this position. How am
I qualified? What was God thinking when he put me here, if he knew the
struggles that were coming?

Monday night I found myself at such a struggle again. With all that has
been going on with mom and with grandma, I felt overwhelmed by sadness
and anxiety which was only amplified by depression (which I haven’t
struggled with since high school—I’m now a senior in college). I wanted
to quit and not even try to go to Tuesday’s meeting. How on earth was I
supposed to LEAD a leadership development program when I felt like I was
falling apart, unable to lead even myself?

Enter God’s grace:

Tuesday’s topic was to be: Courageous in Calling
I realized that I was at a place where I had the choice to live this
out.
God had called me to this position last spring. Long before I accepted
it, he knew what was going to happen this semester and yet he still
called me to it. He knew what mom was going to struggle with, he knew
grandma would be as she is, and he knew depression would strike again.
Yet…he still called me to it! Tuesday evening, I shared with the group
in our meeting that I could now really know what that phrase,
“courageous in calling”, means for me right now. It means that I can
confidently go to our meetings feeling the full weight of all that is
going on and know that He is prepared, adequate, sufficient, and has a
plan for it all. His power is made perfect in our weakness! (2
Corinthians 12:9)

So mom, even though we may feel inadequate, insufficient and unprepared
for what may lay ahead, let us remember that he has called us here! God
knew what was coming this blessed year of 2008 for the McCracken family
and yet he still has called us each according to his plan.

I am walking farther and faster away from fear in all this, realizing
there are so many promises that I have yet to take hold of!

Haley Kate

Preparing for The Big Day

Hi friends!
Well, I think it's safe to say that we have all been just waiting for tomorrow to come. Surgery day.

The surgery has been set for 12:00 and should last three hours. She will be in the hospital for at least three days afterward. We will try our best to post an update tomorrow night.

We do want to continue to thank you for your prayers. There certainly have been up days and down days, but I know that my up days are because of YOUR prayers for peace and comfort for the family. Prayers mean so much to us. Really.

I also want to share with you a couple verses God has used in my life this week to teach me about Himself in this situation. Right after we heard the news, I was of course devastated and could not stop crying. Yet, I felt if I was really trusting God, I wouldn't need to cry or be scared or sad. As I was reading a devotional book I have, the subject for that day was "God in our Suffering" (convenient, I thought). The author focused on Job, and when I noticed this, I rolled my eyes because I know how Job dealt with his suffering, and this particular day I did not feel that I could have the faith of Job. The author went on to remind me that in just one day, Job lost his cattle (his livelihood), his camels (his transportation) and ALL of his children...all in one day! And in the midst of my guilt and self-pity, God reached down to poor, little me and showed me this verse: "At this (news), Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship" (Job 1:20).

Even Job felt emotions. He shaved his head and tore his clothes out of sadness, anger, despair. My emotions are not wrong, and I know God can handle how I feel so I can pray honestly and boldly to Him. But after I have let myself feel the emotions, what I pray I can do through all of this is to turn around and fall to the ground in worship. I pray that I don't sin by charging God with wrongdoing (as it goes on to say in verse 22), but that I can fully and wholeheartedly trust him with my sweet mama and the future plans He has in store for her and for us. I pray that through this circumstance, God will receive glory; that my family and I will be drawn into even deeper communion with Him than we could ever imagine; and that you are growing closer to Him in the process as you walk beside us during this time. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

The other verse that God showed me this week has been such a stronghold in the past few days. I will leave you with these words written by David.

"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving." Psalm 62:11

That, right there, is all I need to know.

Molly

Oops!

I found out that some of you were experiencing problems when you tried to post a comment. I believe it was a setting problem that should now be resolved. I'm sorry. Hope you'll try again!

- Scott

Giving thanks

I have so much to be thankful for this season. Surgery as been scheduled for Dec 3rd at 12:30 pm at Methodist Hospital. My surgeons are two of the best neurosurgeons in the state. The swelling from the tumor seems to be going away with the steroids I'm taking, this has to happen in order to do the surgery. My family from KS came to visit this weekend and we had a wonderful time together laughing playing cards and just being together. I've never experienced such an outpouring of care, love and concern from so many friends asking what they can do to help. Our church has been so amazing I don't know what to say.

Scott's mother is dying soon from cancer herself. It could be anyday. These same wonderful people who are reaching out to us are also reaching out the same incredible way to the entire McCracken family.

Thank you God for loving us so much that your love is being poured out to us abunduntly. How do people get through these difficult times without their faith, friends and family?

As you sit down to your Thanksgiving dinner this year look around at the people you love and tell them all how much they mean to you. You never knbow what tomorrow will bring.

Susie

Where is God?

As the news came to our family last Monday night that my cancer had returned, I was in shock, numb, unable to process what it meant. My mind jumped from one negative thought to the next. What will this do to my family, how long will I live, what will I have to go through to fight this? Where is God?

It didn't take long for me to see the answer. God was in the friends who showed up at the house that night to be with us and pray with us. He was in the many phone calls of people calling to offer to do whatever we needed. He was able to get me in to see Dr Terry Horner, one of the best neurosurgeons in the city and a dear friend of ours from church. He was in the hearts of my good friends who have offered to bring in Thanksgiving dinner for the entire McCracken family. He was in the many pastors who came by to pray with us.

I know the road ahead is going to difficult but I can't imagine going through this with out the love and support of my family and friends and a strong faith. I'm counting on your prayers to support me when I don't have the strength to pray. I can't say I'm ready to accept God's will yet, it's too scary to think about. But I know this is a journey and I know God is walking beside me.

Susie

He does love us...

Well, I will allow my dad to fill you in on the details of what we are hearing from the doctors, but we have learned that Mom's cancer has spread to her liver and brain. They are planning to remove the spot in her brain on Wednesday, December 3rd. Until then, we are praying that the steroids she's taking will reduce the swelling in her brain caused by the cancer so that they may safely operate.

I want to share with you the lyrics to the song that reflects the title of our blog. As my dad said, it has given us a lot of hope during the tough times we've already had in the last couple months as we dealt with the news that the cancer has spread to her lympnodes. We are hoping to get the youtube site on here, so that you may hear the song, but the lyrics are as follows:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

John Mark Mcmillan

Lord, continue to let us feel your love.

Molly

About the title

The title "How He Loves Q" is a play on the title of a song that has become somewhat of a family anthem of late. The actual song title is "How He Loves Us" by John Mark McMillan. During an emotionally dark time while Susie was recovering from her last surgery, Haley came home from school and sang that song to her mom to share God's heart toward her. Haley sang it to Susie, but God sang it to all of us in the room.
"Q" has been my pet name for Susie since we met while working on a guest ranch in Colorado 28 years ago.
-Scott